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Becoming debt-free after divorce
By Deb |
I separated from my children’s father in 1995. I was 31 years old, emotionally worn down, and financially bankrupt. My children were five, three, and five months old at the time, and I had to make a plan that would work for all of us. I needed to be close to my family as I was going through my divorce, so my children and I moved to West Virginia. That’s when I started a new life as a single mother. My husband and I were never financially solvent together, so I knew it was going to be difficult to raise three children on a single mother’s income. I didn’t know how I was going to do it; I just knew that I had to do it. I now know that the secret to financial security is all about investing in you.
When I speak to divorced mothers, I find that many of them invest a lot more into their children, their friends, and their jobs than they do in their own financial wellness. At one time or another, some of us have felt guilty about being single parents without the financial means of two-parent families, so we say “yes” when our children want to buy something that “all” their friends have. If a friend calls in the middle of the night in crisis we’ll listen, even if we have to be at work in three hours. And, because we cannot afford to lose our jobs, we often suffer silently when we really should stand up to our bosses. In order to become debt-free, we have to change some of our habits. We have to say “no” to the things that are robbing us financially and emotionally and say “yes” to prosperity.
There are a lot of steps you can take to live debt-free. It’s important to remember that little expenses add up. For instance, how many magazines do you subscribe to? I used to subscribe to 10+ magazines a year. When I discovered how much money I was spending, I could hardly believe it. I also used to buy bagged ice every week. Now that we live in South Carolina, we go through a lot of ice each summer. When I added the cost, I realized I was spending about $100 a year on frozen water! How much real food can you buy with $100? I can do quite well. Since I do most of my grocery shopping at discount grocery chains, I can squeeze a lot out of a food dollar. I’ve bagged my own groceries for years and have saved hundreds of dollars each year doing so. Although I’ll occasionally buy groceries somewhere else for variety, the sting of the grocery bill always shocks some sense back into me.
I’m constantly finding ways to shave costs. The great epiphany that comes with a debt-free focus is that there are always ways to trim the budget. In fact, I probably get as big a thrill out of living on less than many people get from their shopaholic spending highs. Here’s my cost-cutter for the upcoming year: In 2008, I’m giving up soda. It’s my biggest vice, and I’m determined to conquer it. I’ll buy two or three sodas a day at a vending machine and several two liter bottles or cases a week. When I think about how much I spend on soda—and how unhealthy it is for me anyway—I’m truly aghast. I’m a drinker—not in the alcoholic sense—but I am always drinking soda, tea, etc. all day long. So you can imagine how much I spend just to quench my thirst each year.
You, too, can find a lot of money in your own budget if you look closely enough. Although I’m currently writing a book to help divorced mothers become debt-free, I want to give moms a head-start toward becoming financially fit in 2008 right now. Here are just a few of the strategies that I’ve used with great success, and other women have found them helpful too.
Change your life. The first step toward financial independence as a debt-free mom is to take a realistic inventory of your life. The first thing I did after the divorce was go to graduate school. My highest salary before then was just over $24,000 a year, and I had a Bachelor’s Degree. I always wanted to get a Master’s Degree, so I utilized every public resource I could qualify for to go back to college. Student loans paid my bills and living expenses, scholarships and graduate assistantships paid my tuition, and child support supplemented the rest. I lived in the “poor house” temporarily to succeed long term. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. And I’m glad I did. Although I’m an advocate of living debt-free, student loan debt isn’t always bad. The key is to pay it off as quickly as possible once you’ve graduated. If the only way you can double or triple your income is with a low-interest student loan, get one but use it wisely. I must admit that it’s difficult for me to advocate a loan because I truly do believe in living debt-free, but it was a means to a goal for me. It’s not the only way to go, though. I’ll cover more about funding your education debt-free in my upcoming book. It’s surprising how many resources are out there that that no one takes advantage of.
Think in terms of monthly and yearly costs. Conduct a reality check. If you tell yourself you’re only spending $10-$15 a week on soda or coffee or snacks or whatever, add it up over the course of a month. Then, add it up over the course of a year. Is there an unpaid bill that meets or exceeds what you’re spending on unnecessary purchases? I rarely buy bottled water now for this very reason. I fill up at home before we leave for football practice or a long trip, and I save my cash for other expenses.
Supplement your income. If you don’t want to work a second job away from home, create your own business. Over the years I’ve been a freelance writer, a bookseller on eBay and Half.com, and I’ve typed papers for students and reports for psychologists from home. Find a need and fill it. Have a yard sale. You’ll find that you have skills or “stuff” that others are willing to pay for. And, don’t use this extra income to splurge on a new dress or eat at a fancy restaurant. Apply it to a bill or add it to an emergency savings account. The goal is to eliminate your debt. You can splurge later when you can afford to do so.
Don’t give into guilt. I think we’ve all been guilty of giving in when we should have said, “No.” I discovered something surprising when I was in college. My children loved shopping at second-hand stores. I remember buying designer jeans for $2 at our local Goodwill store. At first, I felt guilty buying used clothing. I even apologized to my children. However, my children didn’t care where their clothes came from. In fact, they got excited about our Goodwill trips! To this day, I still get my best buys at second-hand or consignment shops. In fact, I almost always get compliments about the beautiful clothes I buy at drastically discounted prices.
Broadcast your goals. Do you feel more obligated to fulfill a promise when it’s spoken aloud? I do. I always recommend that women write down their goals first. Then, tell someone. Tell two people. Tell everyone. I think most of us feel compelled to do something once people know about it. It’s a strategy that has always worked with me.
Don’t live in a cycle of hopelessness in regard to your financial future. Expect the unexpected to throw you off track from time to time until you get an emergency savings account established. Eliminating debt is a process, and if you make tiny changes you’ll see big results. Some changes are easy to make. Others—like my Pepsi addiction—are more difficult to conquer. However, once you make the commitment to become debt-free, your life will change dramatically. While I savor my last soda of 2007, I know it may taste good in the moment, but that feeling is nothing compared to the feeling I’ll get for adding a thousand dollars to my bank account next year. The secret to finding money isn’t always about working harder; it’s about spending less on the little things that add up over time.
Topics: Budget, Cash, Debt, Thrift |
December 31st, 2007 at 11:27 pm
This is great advice, not only for single moms, but for anyone who wants to get out of debt! Thanks!
January 1st, 2008 at 12:03 am
Thank you. I always thought that getting my head above water was a goal I’d accomplish “some day.” Once I “got real,” I realized that the little things really DO add up and sabotage our financial goals.
Anita and I are so excited about the upcoming year, and we welcome your comments, questions, and suggestions. We have some great things in store for our readers. Best wishes for a prosperous new year to you and all moms who want to become debt-free!